Friday, November 5, 2010

Black holes and revelations in your mind.

I find that as I start to write this, there are words teeming in my mind, all wanting their own voices and I have to pick and choose to figure out which ones are right for this.

Initially, all I wanted to talk about was how job training was going, but then I went to update myself on current k-pop culture. I have since been distracted from the subject entirely.

It was an issue about a rookie male idol being accused of raping girls during middle school. Now, I want to say that I am setting the issue aside because this is not about whether he really raped her or not.

I'm not quite sure what this is about, but I assure you, by the time we've finished, we'll have found out.

What really triggered this all were the comments. Now, I am aware that you can't judge people by the internet, but I started to realize how ignorant some people are on the subject of rape.

To start off, I'd like to say that I know this is a sensitive subject. I also know that I am no expert on the matter, whether it be through personal experience or research.

But some of the comments made me absolutely sick.

Some of them ranged from the questions of 'Why didn't this girl come forward when she was raped years ago?' to 'Is she just doing this to get attention?', which personally, I think is bad enough. But it got worse. Below is a direct quote from a commenter on the post. (Though, I did edit the language...)

I'm not going to deny that I'm NOT tough on women because I will be the first women to say I am. I'm just very tired of women who don't assert themselves enough to gain power or empowerment in any unfavorable situation. It just makes me sick and I'm so f****** embarrassed to be a women when this kind of situation comes up. It only reinforces the "women are weak" stereotypes of which I cannot even begin to support for any reason.

I honestly... I have no words for someone who actually has the gall to say something like this. What made it worse was that she wasn't even trolling, this woman seemed believed every single word she was saying and I have no doubt that there are others like her out there, people who have absolutely no empathy for victims of abuse or rape - not even just women, but any victims.

I took five minutes to try and imagine what it would be like. And I know that there are gaps in my imagination because it's not something you can understand unless you've dealt with it.

But even just trying to imagine it, I cannot comprehend what victims must go through and what they must live with for the rest of their lives. Someday these people will be made whole again and they will be happy. Maybe not in this life, but they will in the next one. I truly believe that.

As I read these comments, some filled with so much ignorance, I started thinking to myself. As some of you know, I want to be a filmmaker, and I realized that I wanted to make a film. A film that is so realistic that people watching would realize that it's right under their noses. So disgusting and vile and real. I want to open eyes and give people mirrors and ask them 'This is who you are. Look at yourself for a minute. Would you trust yourself? Would you be afraid of yourself?'

I understand that the majority of the global population is good people who just want to live another day, but that's about 7 billion people. Among those people are men and women who walked straight out of nightmares that never should have been dreamed in the first place.

Sometimes I feel like people don't realize (myself included) that these people exist outside of dramas, books, and movies. They could be walking down the street next to you.

I'm not trying to make some gross generalization, I do realize that people are aware of them, but in my limited fishbowl...

Maybe it's silly to be bothered over this - but there are so many movies made that are so stupid, so meaningless. What a waste of time, money, and life. There are voices left unheard because society doesn't want to hear them and because there are so many people crying wolf that maybe nobody would believe that voice if they stopped to listen.

I don't want to be the one making third rate movies that people buy popcorn to watch.

I want to be someone that makes a difference with something she is passionate about. I still have my voice, don't I?

And maybe my one voice doesn't matter.

But maybe it does.

And if it doesn't now.

Maybe someday it will.

Perhaps this is just the ramblings of dramatic child, but I've run out of words to tap out. If you read this, thank you.